Seven Cents: December, 2022
Seven Cents
Hello, Beautiful Human People,
1.
Did you sneak away last year? We mean figuratively about the sneaking part. But if you visited a vacation rental or family house, please confirm or deny: those places have the best bookshelves.
-A fading old photo book of the general area.
-A charity compilation of recipes from local restaurants.
-A combination of photos and recipes, called “A Taste for the Eyes” or “A Lens on the Landing.” “Life… al fresco!” “La Vida Aloha.” “Wild Flavors.” “Good Meal Hunting”
(Reader suggestions are respectfully solicited.)
2.
Beyond the books stocked by the joint’s owners, what paperbacks have previous lodgers added to the shelf? A “Gone Girl” psychological thriller, or a “Cat Who Caught a Clue” Christmas cozy by a Dean writing as a Miranda? Will it be Tom Clancy, or Ken Follett?
If it hadn’t been for this paradox of limited choice (we call it a “spare-adox”), the chuckle-worthy eco-pulp of Carl Hiaasen might never have crossed our eye sockets one fine winter vacation years ago.
3.
Of course, there’s a fine line between spare-adox and Russian Roulette. To wit, James Patterson. The Ear Read This podcasters concocted a game suited to Patterson’s notoriously short chapters and blank prose. You’ll need a) at least two adults, b) a way to randomly pick numbers between one and one hundred, and… oh yeah, c) a Patterson.
a) Pick a number—you’re going to read the Patterson novel in random order. b) Read the that number chapter aloud (most are only a couple pages). c) Summarize the chapter in a few words, and write those words down next to the chapter number on your doc (or notebook). d) Compile a couple pages that clearly tell the tale of the Patterson, out of order. e) Cut-and-paste your one-sentence chapter summaries, so they’re in the correct order. f) Re-tell the novel by reading through your one-sentence summaries!
4.
More high-minded literary podcasts certainly exist. Consider the vintage audio of Jack Keroac clinking his glass while beguilingly recounting the tale of the Buddha’s awakening from The Paris Review.
The journal / tote bag / institution / podcast that is the mighty Paris Review also offers a fresh recording of Jessica Hecht dramatizing Joan Didion’s 1978 “Art of Fiction,” if that’s your idea of a good time. (It is.)
5.
“Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.”
When they’re not discussing the meaning of Marxian wisdom like that, the Marx Brothers Council podcast introduces heroes like educator Hannah Mira, who shows classic movies to her students in juvenile prison. Mira makes a great case for her curriculum’s success in a magical hour of audio inspiration.
6.
The Marx Brothers mirror scene from Duck Soup (1933) takes three minutes. Bette Midler and Lily Tomlin do it in half that time at the peak of Big Business (1988). Both films use only ambient sound for the old Vaudeville routine, resulting in strangely silent stretches during otherwise verbally frantic comedies.
Or, as one scholar has asked, regarding that mirror scene, “how can his self be materially located in a place different from the psycho-physical origins of the knowledge of that self?”
7.
How true! Probably! Every time we read that, we think we might understand it. But no.
Next time we’re on vacation, and there’s no good trash—no tattered Carl Hiassen or big World War history book—we can just keep thinking about “the psycho-physical origins of the knowledge of that self,” until you drop us a little line. Please. The sooner the better.
Love to you,
Matthew Hein
rhymes with swine
